The Unique Challenges of Parenting in a Blended Family loading...
The Unique Challenges of
Parenting in a Blended Family
*If your previous relationship involved abuse of yourself and or your children ignore or
adapt these tips to your situation. The safety and mental health preservation of you and
your children are more important than anything mentioned.**
If you are bringing a child into a relationship who has trauma, or the need for
additional supportive help you have an obligation to discuss your child's
unique needs with any partner before the children are involved. Your
potential partner deserves a complete picture of the family that they may be
committing to. Don't forget to include the ways that your child is fantastic.
Talk with your partner about parenting, expectations, plans, and the
children's other biological parents.
Be patient with your partner, especially if they are coming into your
relationship with no children. Parenting is not something they can learn
overnight.
Parenting is very personal. You need to have conversations early and often.
Discuss your parenting styles and how you intend to handle certain situations.
It is important that you and your new partner are on the same page about
mental health. Bring up the topic early and see how much of a priority they
put on it.
Be honest with yourself and talk to your partner about doing the same. Sit
down and explore your feelings, review your actions and make sure you're
not favoring your children over your stepchildren.
Give yourself some grace. If your blended family is not working out in the way
you envisioned don't be hard on yourself. The best way to get your family on
the correct path is with communication and possibly professional help.
Be a Team
Before you introduce your child to
your potential partner have an
age-appropriate conversation with
your child and be sure to select a
meeting time and place that plays
to your children's strengths.
Ask your stepchild how they want
you to refer to them. Is it okay if
you call them your son or
daughter? This shows them that
you respect their boundaries but
don't see them as "second best."
If the child has a moment where
they say something like "You are
not my mom/dad so I don't have
to listen to you" try and get to the
root of why they are saying that.
Once things have calmed down
you can have a conversation about
rules and boundaries as well as
better ways to communicate their
frustration. Let them know if they
hurt your feelings.
If sibling resentment is occurring in
your family do not beat yourself up
over it but address it as soon as
possible. Sit down with the
children to have an open and
honest conversation and don't
hesitate to go to family counseling
or seek professional help early.
Don't expect the kids to see their
stepparent as a parental figure right
away. This is a huge transition for
them and you need to let them
adapt at their own pace.
Do NOT speak poorly about a
biological parent where the children
can hear you. Even if they are not
the best parent, let the child form
their own opinions.
Have fun together. Pick an activity
that you know your child/stepchild
enjoys and go as a family.
Take pictures as a whole family when
your situation allows.
If you expect that your child has past
trauma let them know that you’re
always there for them to talk about
any feelings they're having.
Recognize their struggle and get
them into professional help.
Things that need to be kept track of
from house to house (instruments,
uniforms, homework, etc.) can cause
a lot of stress. Consider creating a
sharable Google calendar that all
parties have access to, including the
kids.
Communicate Prioritize
Or visit us at: https://www.paparentandfamilyalliance.org/tips-for-blended-families
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